~ t w i s t e d ~ a n g e l ~

K0i left us today.

It hits me real bad. I have so much to say but I can’t do it without waterworks. The grieve is greater when the deceased never did anything wrong towards you. Rest in peace K0i. Al-Fatihah.

There are not much I can share with you right now. We are are shortlisting (as if they are many hehee) contractors and revising the price they quoted. Furthermore it’s Chinese New Year so they normally took long break during this festive season.

I already notified my current landlord that I’d be moving out end of March. I’ll be giving the contractors 3 weeks working period max, hopefully they can start working on 1st March and be done by 20th March so I’ll have the rest of the month to do work with the movers and unpacking my stuff. Speaking of which, I haven’t done my research on movers. It sounds like there’ll be plenty of time, but each time I think of this, I’d have knot in my stomach, afraid that we couldn’t make it within 1 and ½ months.

Here are some pictures of the house after defects rectification is done. They did a good job. Please ignore the grey spot on the images. My SLR sensor clearly needs some servicing.

Living area

Dining area (but we are planning to shift the dining area to the front of the balcony.

That’s me overlooking the view.

I’m saving other pictures for other entries Stay tuned.

If there’s no such thing as robbery or stealing, I don’t think I want to install any grill on my abode. I might have to think about this again if I have kids, but then that’s not my concern now. So, like it or not, we just have to give in to it. To make it even complicated, living in a common residential area, the condo management only allow one kind of design and one kind of color for iron grill to be fixed on balcony and windows. But we are free to pick our own design for main door and they are fairly open with suggestion by the residents, although this doesn’t mean they agree to it

*

Not sure if you’ve heard of Invisible Grill before. This type is allowed in the condo. Kinda cool isn’t it? So it wouldn’t look like you’re living in a cell. We are still thinking about this.

**

We picked this design for main door. It’s a wrought iron grill. The contractor is a very nice and sweet lady. She didn’t push us for anything extra  and was really patient with me and my never ending inquiries. She gave the best deal amongst other contractors we’ve met and advertised in our residential online forum (yes we have one!! :D).

It’s a 3-day weekend, we spent it meeting contractors, measure walls and windows, surveyed some furniture and toilet accessories. I’ll try to put up some pictures of our house before we start doing any renovation/improvement.

* - picture credits to Invisible Grill official website.

** - picture credits to one of the residents who recommended me his contractor for iron grill.

We collected the keys today and inspected the house right away. I can’t say we are happy with the developer’s work, but overall I can give it 7 out of 10. Not much major defects, major as in torn out door, wrecked window and such. Most of them are paint/plaster stains. But we both are major, let me repeat, major pain-in-the ass perfectionist so we checked every crook and corner.

As expected, we love the room that we are going to turn into a studio better than the master bedroom, tee hee. I decided to let him design the studio himself, I will just butt in when it comes to my craft tools and apparatus. This room has these ceiling to floor windows on one side, so the sun rays poured in perfectly.

When I bought the house, I didn’t expect it has any view. All units with nice views were way beyond my budget, I thought the balcony was going to be facing the other block. But when we checked out our unit, the view from balcony was not bad at all. The view of wangsa maju, batu caves and some parts of bukit tabur are just lovely. It was windy and the balcony is quite spacey. I’m not really into gardening but after seeing the balcony myself, I suddenly couldn’t wait to plant some herbs which can be used for cooking. Parsley, basil, curry leaves and stuff.

There are just so many things we want to do with the house, but first, we have to let the contractor rectified the defects first. I’m seriously not good with this waiting game.

I have no one to blame but myself on the lack of update. I don’t think I want to write about my everyday routine here, otherwise you don’t mind reading the same thing over and over again.

Aaaanyhooo.. I think I want to see if I can commit to something on this blog. Since I’m about to move to my own house soon, (which now I’m already used referring to ‘our house’ instead of ‘my house’ with my better half), I’m planning to have it documented here. So you will get to know the progress from a very basic condo (I bought it new from developer) until, well, it becomes a home.

As a start, I consider this condo as my second ‘grown-up’ purchase, after the car (I bought my first cosmetic when I was 13, so that’s not grown-up purchase). I bought it late 2007 and early this month, I received the letter informing the house is ready. I have to tell you, we were over the moon

We already set an appointment with the developer for key collection and house inspection tomorrow, and we both applied for leave from work for this.

Please do not expect a snappy magic of the progress, due to our decision to involve loads of personal touch to our house, this might take a while. Which ever that can be done ourselves, will be done ourselves in stages. Both of us are into making things, and this will help with our financial too, owning a home does not come cheap.

There are progress bars on the side and I categorized it into house sections, so we can keep track of the progress.

Here are some pictures I could share, I already sew the dining table cloth (and another one soon). I also painted the dining table (chairs) white. I thought I could complete painting the dining table set (chairs and table) in one weekend, boy I was wrong. We only complete the chairs this weekend. Primed in one day, painted in one day. It didn’t help that this process can only be done during the day when sun is bright.

I bought this red checkered cloth in Bangkok during my trip in July 2009. Had the white ric-rac sewn around so it doesn’t look that plain. Table mats are from Daiso.

I got myself this dining table from IKEA when I moved into this apartment I’m renting, it’s an INGO dining table that came in plain wood color. Then I purchased the plain wood color STEFAN dining chairs to complete the set (I couldn’t find the plain wood color in IKEA website). Now they are white!

New tag added - our crib. So stay tuned!

… I just found myself a superstar

“Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there, because you can’t remember a time in your life when it wasn’t. But then one day you feel something else, something that feels wrong, only because it’s so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize you’re happy.” -Lucas Scott

Quote given by Lucy.

To someone, I can live with all your imperfections, it’s just the nonsense temper I couldn’t put up with.

To another one, I can live with all your imperfections, it’s just the lack of seriousness in life left me disturbed.

Nobody is perfect, I am nobody.

The running season is here again after the fasting month. Wonder why I complained waking up at 8am on weekdays while I’d be half asleep and excited to wake up at 4am on running Sundays. I’ll be making my half marathon (21km) debut in 36 days. For obvious reason, I chose to do my FIRST half marathon on exactly where I did my FIRST 10km, Penang Bridge. And another half marathon 2 weeks after, in Singapore Marathon 2009. Excited? Nervous? Scared? Is running for <15km races for one year gave me enough experience to endure 21km distance?

Well, the only way to find out is to run it. Run it over.

I’m blessed with another year. Syukran.

Many things have changed within this year alone. I chose to move out from my parents, had no ill intention. I just need my own space, my own kitchen, my own studio and my own mess. I think it’s about time. People my age had the privilege to pick their own furniture, curtain and kitchen utensils. I’d be lying if I say I do not have the same urge. How many of you actually browse around electrical stores and did not wish you own this oven/fridge/mixer/food processor/TV/hi-fi system? How about IKEA/Harvey Norman and wish you had that fancy lighting fixtures?

The only thing different is I’m doing this by myself. I’m doing what most married people out there share or paid for. So yeah, most of you are paying for 1 car and 2 houses,  or 2 cars and 1 house. I’m paying and dealing the fuss exactly the same on my own.

There were times I wish I have someone. It took me 2 or 3 trips from the car trunk to the apartment to unload my bi-weekly grocery shopping. I wish to go home to someone. I wish I can mengadu about the stress at work at someone. I wish to cook and bake for someone. I wish someone would like the curtain I sew last week and praises me like there’s no tomorrow even if the curtain senget sebelah. I wish to show off my running certificates and medals to someone, “Lookie lookie, this is something I earn, sweat and blood, are you proud of me?”. I wish to chat with someone before I sleep.

But there were times, when I think I don’t need someone. I’m happy that I get to choose my own furniture. I get to choose my own dining table. I get to choose my own curtain color shades. I can cook the egg the way I want it. I can hangout with my guy friends without having to explain to anyone why I need to consult them on girls thing. I can do things that many people regard as uncommon. I can do long distance running, swimming, white water rafting and go on a trip alone. I don’t have to deal with guilt, I don’t have to hide anything from anyone. I can be myself.

I wonder if  I really have to forgo things in the 4th paragraph so I can get things on the 5th. Does that mean I have to forget being with anyone so I can be myself. Like wow. Seriously?

I guess I’m okay with this. I’ve lived without TV for the past 9 months. But there was this day when the internet connection was down for 2 hours. So yeah, I did menggelupur. I concluded then, as long as there’s internet connection, I’ll be okay.

But then someone on facebook posted this link.

Teacher who couldn’t swim becomes an international triathlete… and loses four stone in as many months.

Quoting from the article:

“Melanie also said her husband Mark, 45, had been a huge motivator.

She said: ‘Mark is really proud of me, he’s my number one superstar. Without him I couldn’t be where I am now.”


Someone please convince me, I don’t need a number one superstar, to go that far?

For two days in a row, I saw two different couple sat together near their car by the roadside. On both occasions, I’m pretty sure they were having arguments.

I thank God for the men who stopped the car, willing to be opened and talked it through (rather than keeping it to themselves and hoping the spouse would understand).

I thank God for the men who did not push their spouse out of the car and left.

I thank God for these men.

I read this article sometime ago but never paid much attention. I came upon it again while Facebook hopping and since I’m trying to get away with work (don’t blame me, it’s Monday), I read without missing a word.

So here’s something to share.

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,
it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married, they’ll say: ‘We’re in love’; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound ‘not politically correct’, there’s a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married.. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: ‘You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone’; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e.. trust that I won’t get ‘punished’; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as ’someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ‘;. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to ‘improve’; them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts it: ‘You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse’ If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t do your homework.

Another perspective…
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention…
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones dont appreciate you?
Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and aring words or annotations.

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, ‘Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye’; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that important.
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self釫UR’esteem, spiritual discernment, and ‘a life’; you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

Sometimes it’s good to pour your heart out to a stranger, because I think strangers can give their best insight, they will not judge you, they will not judge the other party. That’s what I’ve been looking for, a neutral opinion. I just need someone to knock my head off from the mess and the things I made myself to believe. Someone to make me see things from different point of view.

But what’s going to happen if you drawn yourself to this stranger because you just love to listen to the things he says? It makes you feel good and see the mistakes you’ve been doing over and over again. Because the reason I’m on this ship wreck, is because the person who I’m messed up with, used to be a stranger too.

When will this circle ever end?