personal


Sometimes it’s good to pour your heart out to a stranger, because I think strangers can give their best insight, they will not judge you, they will not judge the other party. That’s what I’ve been looking for, a neutral opinion. I just need someone to knock my head off from the mess and the things I made myself to believe. Someone to make me see things from different point of view.

But what’s going to happen if you drawn yourself to this stranger because you just love to listen to the things he says? It makes you feel good and see the mistakes you’ve been doing over and over again. Because the reason I’m on this ship wreck, is because the person who I’m messed up with, used to be a stranger too.

When will this circle ever end?

Kajang Pak Malau kajang berlipat,
Masak sebiji di atas peti,
Kalau menyampah dengan kopikat,
Apakah dia pengubat hati?



Beli!! Jangan tak beli!

My birthday this year was a mixed up with total ups and downs. At one point I was high and thought euphoria was my middle name, and at some other point things just crushed me out. I highly appreciate your wish (pointing to nobody in general), but at the same time, in finding the happiness I’m wishing for, please allow me to become skeptical and selfish.

Happiness is overrated.

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I don’t remember when was the last time I have this kind of migraine. I didn’t touch any painkillers since I started doing yoga in January.

So yesterday I decided to let it out again from my system. Hoping a decent conversation would lead to certainties. But it didn’t happen.

Things would be easier if you just open up and tell me things. I’m cool with any reasons, but ‘I don’t knows’ and ‘entahs’ were certainly not helping.

I should come out with an idiom:
‘as numb as *put my name here*’.

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If you have followed my blog for quite a while, you’d read before that I have problem forgiving people, few people.

Yesterday while looking for something else, I found something that reminds me to one of the incident. When I saw the cover, I went, “Okay, let’s try this more time”. I hope I could find a closure. The moment I opened it, I could feel the blood rushing to my head.

This incident I’m talking about happened 5 years back.

5 years. Still.. not forgiven, and not forgotten.

*The Boyfriend* was kind enough to let me date Allan Wu on the Valentine’s Day itself. He knew I’m a super duper fan of Amazing Race Asia and the finale was held on 14th February. So he ‘booked’ me the day after.

Just like previous years, I didn’t have any idea on his plan. And this year the clues given were only ‘The Garden’, ‘must be there around 6-7pm’ and ‘wear something nice’.

Since it was just few days after Chinese New Year, I put on my Qipao, last worn during my college reunion 5 years back.

That evening, he brought me up to GSC Signature The Gardens, and still I have no idea. We’ve practically watched all the movies shown at the cinema already, so I was still dumbfounded, until, we were ushered to Paradiso, a bistro at the Premier Class floor which was so very lovely with Valentine’s decorations; flower petals, red candles, heart shapes cuttings and buntings everywhere.

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I. Was. Blown. Away.

Totally.

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So it was a 5-course dinner, and I love the dessert the most, it was heart shaped strawberry mousse. There were about 18 other couples and the ladies were given flowers and teddy bear. My bear wore a beret and holding a painting brush. Macam tau-tau aje :P There was one staff taking picture of each of the couples.

Oh by the way when we were having dinner, a waiter came and gave us one envelope. He told *The Boyfriend* that it contains our movie tickets. I was like, ‘Our what?’. I thought it was only dinner. I kept asking for the title of the movie but he said it’s another surprise. Well, I don’t mind watching CJ7 twice hahaha!

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9 o’clcok we made our way to the Premier Class hall and my, it was the most extravagant cinema hall I even been in my life. And the best thing is their full leather electric recliner seat, with buttons for recliner controls. We were given pillows, blankets and a chosen complimentary drink. It was so comfy I wish the movie never ends.

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And the movie? We got to watch the premier of 27 Dresses. Ngeeeee.

Pardon for the picture quality. All were taken by camera phone. Except for the one taken by the staff at the bistro. It was developed and given to us before the movie started.

I can’t thank *The Boyfriend* enough for that special night. Thank you Baby, for making me feel special, for giving me space to do what I like, for accepting me as an independent, outspoken and strong woman (sorry I couldn’t be clingy, always sick and whiny all the time :P), and most of all, thank you for loving me in return.

 

 

DISCLAIMER: I understand Valentine’s Day is a sensitive subject to some people. What I’m sharing in this entry does not mean I idolize St Valentine’s and commemorate his death, or was it birthday? Heck I don’t even know. I do cherish everyday with love, sayang and what not. But tell me, when else do you have the opportunity to have dinner with your love one(s) with lovey dovey theme, rose petals and heart buntings all over the place. And freebies and flowers too. So hold your horses, if you want to start preaching about Valentine’s Day you better find out what’s the history behind Mother’s Day which I haven’t found anyone making any issue regarding the celebration. Thank you.

Since 1 month back there were frequent urges to move on and forget things. I don’t know the reason I’m staying. Is it because it is been a routine and I can’t seem to pull myself out, or I’m staying because I want to stay.

For me, the easiest way to forget things is to hate it. I don’t consider myself as a failure, but I just want to move on. I hate to stuck in here and keep on dreaming about life I know I would never have.