~ t w i s t e d ~ a n g e l ~

For two days in a row, I saw two different couple sat together near their car by the roadside. On both occasions, I’m pretty sure they were having arguments.

I thank God for the men who stopped the car, willing to be opened and talked it through (rather than keeping it to themselves and hoping the spouse would understand).

I thank God for the men who did not push their spouse out of the car and left.

I thank God for these men.

I read this article sometime ago but never paid much attention. I came upon it again while Facebook hopping and since I’m trying to get away with work (don’t blame me, it’s Monday), I read without missing a word.

So here’s something to share.

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,
it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married, they’ll say: ‘We’re in love’; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound ‘not politically correct’, there’s a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married.. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: ‘You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone’; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e.. trust that I won’t get ‘punished’; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as ’someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ‘;. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to ‘improve’; them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts it: ‘You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse’ If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t do your homework.

Another perspective…
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention…
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones dont appreciate you?
Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and aring words or annotations.

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, ‘Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye’; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that important.
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self釫UR’esteem, spiritual discernment, and ‘a life’; you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

Sometimes it’s good to pour your heart out to a stranger, because I think strangers can give their best insight, they will not judge you, they will not judge the other party. That’s what I’ve been looking for, a neutral opinion. I just need someone to knock my head off from the mess and the things I made myself to believe. Someone to make me see things from different point of view.

But what’s going to happen if you drawn yourself to this stranger because you just love to listen to the things he says? It makes you feel good and see the mistakes you’ve been doing over and over again. Because the reason I’m on this ship wreck, is because the person who I’m messed up with, used to be a stranger too.

When will this circle ever end?

Since I moved to this new place, I have been focusing on the kitchen and studio. Somehow I neglected the nonetheless important space of the house; bathrooms. This is where I believe everyone of us has “me time”, cleansing and maybe relaxing in the tub.

If you’re looking for bathroom accessories, I recommend you to get the high quality ones and will last along with the usage of water and exposure to bathroom humidity. I’m sure you don’t want to spend more time fixing and replacing the accessories than showering inside there.

I’m also looking for new showers and bristan taps for the tub. Glad I could find Ideal Standard, now my problem is, I need to choose from all the lovely designs.

Well, maybe I just buy extra for the guest bathroom.

Brought to you by my friends at  http://www.fairfieldbathroomsdirect.co.uk

Me and another girl are taking quad sharing room, so we are looking for another 2 girls to join us  for our Perhentian Island Trip, 17th April til 21st April. Going by bus, back with Air Asia. Altogether there would be 8 of us. I can assure you another 4 are the hottest and nicest gays guys.

Email me for details.

laydiefa@silent-echo.org

I’m marking this day everywhere so I will never forget.

Today might means nothing in particular to you.

But since I was not born with silver spoon in my mouth, and I was just too dumb for a scholarship, I opted for study loan to graduate from the university.

Today, is the last payment. I finished paying 45% earlier than scheduled span.

YEAPPPAAA!!

Today might means nothing to you. But it means everything to me

Der Wild Wild Run 2009, Zoo Negara. 10th place.

One more medal. One more personal best.

Next run, Melawati 10km on 29th March 2009. Regrettably will have to ditch Larian Amal Seri Sinar 10km this weekend due to prior engagement. Or else I’ll be running 5 races for 5 weekends in a row! Crazy or what.

I started my shift work already, that is 12pm - 9pm. What worries me now is I don’t have time to train and keep up with the distance to participate in Melawati Run happening in 19 days. I normally trained after work (this was when I worked 9am - 6pm).  I hate running in the morning, mosquitoes + sun + security reasons, so forget that. And KLCC park is closed around 10pm, tak sempat. So I only have weekends, which means I can only practice twice.

Hmmph, redah aje lah!!

I’m not sure if my disappearance made any significant impression. But for those who’s itching to know, pictures speak louder than words.

While I was gone, I..

Ran 5km Terry Fox Charity Run, first run after err, none.

Ran 4km Fitness Challenge, Ministry of Youth & Sports.

Ran at least half of Penang Bridge back and forth, my first 10km run.

Rafted Sungai Kampar river, class III, IV and V.

Ran 12km Malakoff run. Finished with a medal. First medal, yeay!

Took care of my sis who was hospitalized for fever caused by a bacteria . I volunteered for night shift and I swear I did not sleep a wink for almost 2 weeks. Praise the Lord she’s clear from the bacteria already.

Ran 6km Milo Cross Country.

Ran 10km KL City Day Run.

And just got back from AIA Race, TTDI Lembah Kiara this morning. Came up 4th place in Women Junior category.

For all the complaints and rants I bugged you with, I feel blessed and grateful for the turn I took.

Things you do to move on:

1. Change job.

2. Change home.

3. Find new circle of friends.

4. Find new hobby.

5. Go on a vacation, alone.

Guess what, I did all five. All within 3 months.

I don’t want to hope for the best in 2009, but dear God, just give me something that will not break me, because I’m fragile enough to begin with.

Me and my friends are crazy over pantun these days. Lucy started it! *pointing to Lucy*. Heh.

Then suddenly all of us writing pantun on every chance we get. In email spam, chats, blog comments and the best one of course at our IM status. Berlawan-lawan okay. Actually this is the only part I can contribute in creative writing because unlike them, I suck at poetry. Plus, I had extensive experience in this department

I had this 2 liner on my IM status for the evening:

Sambil chatting gelak-gelak,
Wish me luck!

Then I saw Meon’s status written:

Pancing pacu atas perahu,
Best wishes to you walaupun tak tahu menahu.

Oh my how sweet, so I changed my status to:

Terima kasih saya ucapkan,
Budi tuan dalam ingatan.

Then he changed his to:

Sampan yang bocor segera air ditimba,
Korang ni selambe tak tido besok tak keje ke?

Hahaha. So I put up mine as the following:

Terlajak perahu boleh berundur,
Kalau tak ngantuk camner nak tidur?!

Which he replied:

Sireh dikisar atok lurutkan,
Kalau hati gusar meh hamba tenangkan.

Finally I ended with:

Hati resah fikiran terganggu,
Jangan susah² saya tidur dulu

That’s it. Not a single word of conversation. But the messages were definitely conveyed. How cool was that?

Just 2 liner. All. The. Way.

Kajang Pak Malau kajang berlipat,
Masak sebiji di atas peti,
Kalau menyampah dengan kopikat,
Apakah dia pengubat hati?

Beli!! Jangan tak beli!

It’s been awhile since I posted my card work. Here’s one I did for Aidilfitri 1429H.

I hope it’s not too late to wish all my friends and readers Eid Mubarak, please forgive me for any wrongdoings, intentional or unintentional. My humblest apology for my shortcomings.

My raya this year was slightly different. We have Haiqall around